And then Lioness went home and I was left almost alone in a house full of people I had met that very same night.
Almost alone. Blue-eyed Teddy Bear was there. Of course, by that time, she was already slightly dizzy with alcohol and losing control of her rational thought, but she was there for me. I wasn´t alone. It was a karaoke party at one of her friends and she had asked me and Lioness to come. We had loads of fun. I´m a sort of a karaoke addict. The only time I can stand my own voice is when I sing New York, New York or Unforgettable.
But then it was midnight and I had to get a very, very, VERY drunk Cinderella home. Actually, I was more concerned about having classes at seven-thirty the next day... And I was also starting to feel uneasy about the way she was coming onto one of the guys at the party. I could see it all: she wouldn´t let go of him ´till three in the morning if I didn´t do anything. AND I HAD CLASSES THE NEXT DAY!! So, I took her home.
We got to my car with some effort and started to roll. Gosh, we were so close to home! But, as my curse dictates, I had to take her to some faraway place at the opposite end of the city. I´m always having to take girls to the other end of the city... *Sigh*
We spoke in english. She felt great pleasure in chatting with someone that had a decent level of english. Likewise, I hadn´t spoken to someone who could understand me that well for quite a while. Vocabulary problems...
We were half way there and I was telling her about the time I lived abroad in a spanish-speaking country. Trying to keep her awake so she could show me the way to her place. But she was wasted... Poor thing. If only she could metabolize all that booze or find some way to get it out of ...
Splosh!
That was basically the sound I heard when she threw up. I turned my head in time to see her taking a hand to her mouth as if she had just said something she wasn´t supposed to. And then she put her head outside the window to finish the job.
Well... I´m writting this from the art course and I have to go back to class. Stick around for chapter two later on.
segunda-feira, abril 29, 2002
domingo, abril 28, 2002
Hi there!
Last friday was our first rehearsal for Sartre´s Huis Clos. We´ll be presenting it next September on one of those student art things that happen at the University every year.
We went to my Ines´ place. Ines, the Lioness. Just a note here: her joint is amazing! The kind of place I´d like to have when I finally muster enough reasons to leave home.
Anyway, this week, we just read the whole play, to get an idea of how long it is. The role of Ines seemed to have been tailor-made for the Lioness. As for Estelle, our friend Mermaid tried it. She says she had previous acting experience, but of the two, I guess the Lioness was a better actor. And she says she never did this!
*Sigh*
Ever since I met them, I was thrilled by the way they seemed so careless about all these physical delights. The kissing, the sex, all contacts between bodies. They spoke of it all with no shame. And it was one of the reasons why I suggested such a sexually tense play as Huis Clos: they´d have no fear in doing it. They would even like it.
Anyway, the play was read after lunch. I´d say we could do it in 1:30, 1:50 at most. We then discussed doubts and troublesome scenes and then it was time to take a shower and go to the University. I was the last one to bathe, as Mermaid ironed her dress locked in the other room, still naked. *Smile* We could say she was behind huis clos
A girl´s bathroom.
Ever noticed how different are girls´ bathrooms and boys´ bathrooms? Boys´ bathrooms are always dark, messy, unclean. How do girls make their bathrooms look so white and neat? I took my bath, among Lioness´ shampoos and conditioners (another difference between boys and girls: girls always have two or three different brands of shampoo at the same time...) and when I was done, I dressed up.
And then a thought hit me.
I remember Lioness saying that we had never seen each other naked. It was true. We had done so many things, gone so far as to cut classes to do them, yet we had never been naked. I don´t think she´d be so surprised if I just opened the door to get the deodorant in my backpack butt-naked. And I don´t think Mermaid would make such a fuss if I just opened the door on the next room and said hello. Or would they? It´s hard to tell with these girls.
I kinda like this sexual tension they sometimes leave in the air. It´s the scent of possibilities. A desire for flesh and a desire to let go of morality. Byronian. Where have these people been all my life? Why was I left to deal with the shy and the conservative throughout these years? All that time I wanted FLESH! I wanted to relate to someone in a way that was beyond the boundaries of our physical AT Field, beyond polite, beyond the simple mental contact. Because it all seemed so unreal. As unreal as chatting with someone through the Internet. No touch. No flesh. And restrictions piled up everywhere, even on our discussion topics: even on out mental contact, the only thing we had.
Nonetheless, I´m glad. Lioness and Mermaid make it seem as if the good days are about to beggin!
Last friday was our first rehearsal for Sartre´s Huis Clos. We´ll be presenting it next September on one of those student art things that happen at the University every year.
We went to my Ines´ place. Ines, the Lioness. Just a note here: her joint is amazing! The kind of place I´d like to have when I finally muster enough reasons to leave home.
Anyway, this week, we just read the whole play, to get an idea of how long it is. The role of Ines seemed to have been tailor-made for the Lioness. As for Estelle, our friend Mermaid tried it. She says she had previous acting experience, but of the two, I guess the Lioness was a better actor. And she says she never did this!
*Sigh*
Ever since I met them, I was thrilled by the way they seemed so careless about all these physical delights. The kissing, the sex, all contacts between bodies. They spoke of it all with no shame. And it was one of the reasons why I suggested such a sexually tense play as Huis Clos: they´d have no fear in doing it. They would even like it.
Anyway, the play was read after lunch. I´d say we could do it in 1:30, 1:50 at most. We then discussed doubts and troublesome scenes and then it was time to take a shower and go to the University. I was the last one to bathe, as Mermaid ironed her dress locked in the other room, still naked. *Smile* We could say she was behind huis clos
A girl´s bathroom.
Ever noticed how different are girls´ bathrooms and boys´ bathrooms? Boys´ bathrooms are always dark, messy, unclean. How do girls make their bathrooms look so white and neat? I took my bath, among Lioness´ shampoos and conditioners (another difference between boys and girls: girls always have two or three different brands of shampoo at the same time...) and when I was done, I dressed up.
And then a thought hit me.
I remember Lioness saying that we had never seen each other naked. It was true. We had done so many things, gone so far as to cut classes to do them, yet we had never been naked. I don´t think she´d be so surprised if I just opened the door to get the deodorant in my backpack butt-naked. And I don´t think Mermaid would make such a fuss if I just opened the door on the next room and said hello. Or would they? It´s hard to tell with these girls.
I kinda like this sexual tension they sometimes leave in the air. It´s the scent of possibilities. A desire for flesh and a desire to let go of morality. Byronian. Where have these people been all my life? Why was I left to deal with the shy and the conservative throughout these years? All that time I wanted FLESH! I wanted to relate to someone in a way that was beyond the boundaries of our physical AT Field, beyond polite, beyond the simple mental contact. Because it all seemed so unreal. As unreal as chatting with someone through the Internet. No touch. No flesh. And restrictions piled up everywhere, even on our discussion topics: even on out mental contact, the only thing we had.
Nonetheless, I´m glad. Lioness and Mermaid make it seem as if the good days are about to beggin!
domingo, abril 21, 2002
I guess we inevitably lost it.
I sometimes feel that this is all a dream. A terribly realistic dream. Nah... I should start again. Because the thing is, in my dreams there´s emotion, thrill, extreme anguish or extreme bliss. But none of that is ever present in reality anymore. No amazement. I have lost my ability to be impressed. You could say I have lost my ability to fly.
I went to a huge party last night. One of those rave things. I could have lifted off my feet with the first glance of the whole thing: huge tents set on the open field of a racetrack. Enough light to turn the night into day. And herds of brightly coloured teens scurrying about. I guess what impressed me the most was the lighting (as always - I´m always dazzled by light).
But as the night progressed to the first few hours before dusk, I landed again. That feeling of emptyness took over. Look around: you´ll see very few people actually having fun. Those lucky few who can really let go. The rest of us wobble from one foot to the other, trying to find some thrill in all of this, not even bothering to look as if we are having fun.
We go around, from party to party, searching for that one more visceral thing, that proof that we are still living in the real world. And when something close to that happens, we feel dissapointed by how little fulfilment it brought. We want something even more real. Some of us turn to drugs and get some distorted notion of real.
Gosh, I´m starting to sound like Di Caprio on "The Beach"... But that´s somehow what I want to say. When was the last time you could sense you were on the real world?
I´ll make a deal with you and with myself. I´ll search for the amazement. It´ll start off with small things. But someday I might make some sense out of this. My experiences wont necessarily be enlightening for you. To you, they may even sound trivial. But I guess I´m writting this one for me.
I sometimes feel that this is all a dream. A terribly realistic dream. Nah... I should start again. Because the thing is, in my dreams there´s emotion, thrill, extreme anguish or extreme bliss. But none of that is ever present in reality anymore. No amazement. I have lost my ability to be impressed. You could say I have lost my ability to fly.
I went to a huge party last night. One of those rave things. I could have lifted off my feet with the first glance of the whole thing: huge tents set on the open field of a racetrack. Enough light to turn the night into day. And herds of brightly coloured teens scurrying about. I guess what impressed me the most was the lighting (as always - I´m always dazzled by light).
But as the night progressed to the first few hours before dusk, I landed again. That feeling of emptyness took over. Look around: you´ll see very few people actually having fun. Those lucky few who can really let go. The rest of us wobble from one foot to the other, trying to find some thrill in all of this, not even bothering to look as if we are having fun.
We go around, from party to party, searching for that one more visceral thing, that proof that we are still living in the real world. And when something close to that happens, we feel dissapointed by how little fulfilment it brought. We want something even more real. Some of us turn to drugs and get some distorted notion of real.
Gosh, I´m starting to sound like Di Caprio on "The Beach"... But that´s somehow what I want to say. When was the last time you could sense you were on the real world?
I´ll make a deal with you and with myself. I´ll search for the amazement. It´ll start off with small things. But someday I might make some sense out of this. My experiences wont necessarily be enlightening for you. To you, they may even sound trivial. But I guess I´m writting this one for me.
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