Something just hit me as I was recording my sample of the Cowboy Bebop CD mentioned earlier...
I gave the first one to my Lioness when I made that surprise to her. And she loved it. But it just dawned on me that most of the songs in it have no lyrics... And my Lioness seems to dislike this sort of thing.

Explanations, please!!!

As I've said, it's been lustfuly hot lately.
The morning sun hits the curtains in the living room, throwing a difuse yellowish light all accross the house. It makes the living room warm like a sort of incubator. The bedrooms stand all the way down the hall like vampires shying away from the light. Still they are just as warm as the living room. In my room, light reflected from the stone floor of the lobby is filtered through tiny air holes in my closed window, dotting my room's ceiling in a fading pattern. The fan on the ceiling turns inexorably and yet sluggishly, like fans on suspense movies. Nonetheless, the air on the room has an embracing stillness. It protects me like armor. And I feel confortable: neither hot nor cold. This computer screen shines painfully in my eyes. It engulfs the entire room.

It's just another sunday. The one day I allow myself to rest.

I just felt like writting today...

I got this very strange desire to swim with my clothes on yesterday... Too bad it was late and the pool at my building was already closed. I would have definitely had the guts for it. Specialy since my parents weren't home. It's been lustfuly hot lately...

Blue jeans... The way denim sticks to the body and tends to sqweeze you slightly with the weight of that dense wet cloth... And how it limits your movements a bit while you're in the water... And how it rubs against your skin with that marvelously rough texture.

Hmm... I wonder were are my old blue jeans...

I guess, when it comes to swimming, I like the opposites. Swimming with clothes on is just as marvelous as skinny dipping.
Enough of these silly rants...

Just a note:

Interesting writting style ===> Angel with a scythe

Yesterday I did something that really made me proud... I went all the way to my Lioness' place to pick her up and take her to the university. Attached to the back of my car was my bycicle. She understood at once what my surprise was all about when she saw it: I had decided to teach her how to ride.
I thought it was the least I could do after my latest screw up. That and a frustrated attempt of making a porcelain mask of her. I didn't know portraits where so hard to do in 3D...
I have no idea of how long we spent running up and down the university on that bike. I held her so she wouldn't falland tried to explain how to keep balance on a bike (if you have any ideas on how to explain one of these things you just feel, please tell me!). It couldn't have been more perfect. The day was comming to an end and the sun was already low, making everything sort of yellowish. And we were there, laughing and horsing around. Oh, it could have been better: rain threatened to fall sometimes. But it never did. She calls herself the Daughter of Rain. I close my eyes now and I can still see my feet running on that cracked floor.
When we stopped and she got down from the bike, she looked at me with those huge green eyes glaring against the yellowed light and thanked me. I think my soul just bought it's way to heaven in that instant.
Heck, I'm not much good at writting these moments. They tend to turn out rather cheesy when I write. What could you expect from a guy who spent three years writting about vampires?
The thing is, I just can't explain how good it felt to please someone like that. And to please her specifically. I could live my life for thank you's like that one. I guess, putting things this way, I'm the one who should thank her...

We agreed to practice every two weeks. Our shedules won't allow us to do it more often.

Ok... I think I freaked...
Get ready for a really, really complex post!

Surreal revelations II

Imagine that the whole universe can be organized as a huge, infinite matrix (hold on, I`m not talking about the movie exactly...). A matrix in which the collumns represent instants of time and the lines represent locations of objects in space. Of course, here we`d need some more advanced math to cram height, width and depth into one single number. Now, remember what you studied in basic math at school (if you ever did study matrixes...). Remember that, in a huge matrix, you can use a number of operations to simplify it into a smaller one or even select a part of it and from that, you can discover it`s determinant. And remember that, with the determinant, you can return to the matrix and figure out the numbers you don`t know. Can you understand where I`m trying to get?
So, if you could see the objects in the room you are in and understand their numbers in the matrix, you could maybe figure out the determinant of that universal matrix and with that, figure out locations and times that you do not have access to. Which means, you could reach universal awareness, ability to see the future and the past.
Can you grasp the real importance of that universal determinant? It would be what spawned reality. The one thing that is common to all that exists. The answer to all the misteries in the universe. I dare not say God, because I`m much of an atheist. And besides, God is supposed to be a sentient entity. This would merely be a condition in common to all things in the universe.
Ok... That was the first theory about the reality matrix. A few days ago I read about wildcards somewhere. Professionals who deal with logistics and previewing the future use wildcards as an expression to name those events that no one can foretell. Events that come out of nothing and radically alter the course of history. Wildcards can be marvelos, disastrous or a combination of both. But they are always unpredictable.
I know wildcards have a place in this theory. I just haven't figured out which is it. Maybe to us, normal people, everything is a wildcard. You can't predict if all of a sudden your computer will simply explode. Or if a stray bullet will fly through your window and kill you instantly. There are only a few logical events we can normaly predict. That's why we can't reach the universal determinant. Then again, if the determinant is something as powerfull as it seems, that it has spawned the universe, there are only a few limited numbers of wildcards available to happen because the order inside the matrix must always remain the same. If the order is altered, the determinant is altered. Nothing would be exactly "unpredictabe". And then again, the real wildcard would be something that would alter the matrix and eventually destroy the universe...

...and you guys have no idea of what I'm talking about, have you?

Ok, Evenstar... no more mushrooms for me.

This is a silly little post about something that probably matters only to me. But this is my blog, anyway.

I've worn this iron ring for some four years now. Over time, it became a sort of a trademark for people who knew me well. And I lost my iron rings at key moments in my life. I lost my first one when my relationship with Makel took... let's say... a step further.
I spent some time without my iron ring. Couldn't find one the right size. I had gotten used to not having it on my finger, not fidgetting with it. And a few months ago I bought my third one. Today, as I was showering, I took it off. Spent a few moments without it and then, when I was turning off the shower, there was a brief instant of panic as I felt it's absense. Nice to know I'm used to wearing it again. Feels like I'm myself again.

But I doubt you'll understand what I mean.

On a not so joyous note, ever been in one of those situations where you're just trying your best to make everyone pleased and they're not apreciating it enough? You give up on a thing or two, pretend not to mind when you get slightly screwed up for it and just smile. But in the end, it'll all be worthless. *sigh*

Well, I'll spare you from this tedious ranting of mine. Just some rebelliousness for a post I really didn't expect.

Coming soon, Surreal revelations II...

Ok... I just gotta say, for the record, that I rule!!!

Allow me to explain.
Down here, in the art course, we have to do our graduation work. It`s supposed to be the finest artwork we developed throughout the course, the one you like the most. Each student chooses a mentor to aid him in developing the work for the entire last year of the course. Come November, we present it to a small juri of three professional artists that are not related to the foundation. They will judge if we have matured enough to graduate.
Today, right after being accepted called for ExpoFAU, I just got myself a possible mentor. I showed my photographic ghosts to artist Regina Johas, one of my teachers. And she was so interested that she accepted to guide me if I choose the ghosts as my final project next year! I was actually thinking of Sandra Cinto, mentioned earlier in the blog. She`s so nice... And she could teach me the attention to detail that I sometimes lack in my works. But she has already decided to aid another very promissing colegue of mine. For the record, I guess I`ll call this colegue of mine Methodless. Not that she has no methodology in her work, but because she refuses to do anything in traditional methods like painting, drawing or sculpting. She uses photography most of the time and mixed media. But all her thought processes are remarkable. She has no need for traditional methods.
But I stray from my point. I have a possible mentor!! Yay!

Ok... I know some of you guys have no clue of what I`m talking about... Let`s just say someone big took an interest in my work.

Yee-Haw!!!!
Brace yourselves, lads!
I just got an e-mail from the people who were organizing the student showcase at the university (the one in which I enrolled my Virgin and Child and three of my portraits). It seems they have selected some of the finer works in the showcase ("according to technique and maturity") to participate in yet another expo, this time at the architecture school. And two of my portraits were selected!!!!!!!!! I'm proud to announce that my finest and first portrait, Marina (done for Nana-chan), and my latest and dearest one, Lee (done for the Lioness), will be exhibited at ExpoFAU 2002, starting October 11th!!!!

I'd like to thank the organizers and my graceful models!

Yesterday, just before I left the university, I stopped by to get something to eat. While I was fumbling for my wallet on my back pack, I noticed the precense of a blonde girl right next to me. I turned my head just to get a glimpse: it was my Blonde Muse!!! It had been quite a while, huh? Funny how I didn't notice it was her all at once... She usually seems like such a tall and slim presence. Ok, she was still slim, but this time she seemed so small! She was barely my size.
Anyways, I was wondering what would happen next time we came to meet. Last time we met, I asked her permission to enroll her portrait in the student expo at the university. It was the first time we had talked in a civilized manner... But I thought that would be it. I thought, despite all her sweetness and politeness, my first impressions of a psycho with a camera would prevail. Much to my surprise, this time she greeted me! Greeted with a smile and asked politely if she could perhaps have the picture I took of her...

Certainly!
I'd just have to stop by at the atelier and pick it up. Once again I made a complete putz out of myself trying to juggle my wallet and my notebook so I could wrte that down and remember it (This darn freakin' memory of mine...). Pull yourself toghether, man!!

Lioness was telling me how her bus was stopped by policemen last thursday.
I remembered something I didn't post about in here. About a month ago she came to my place. Since my car was still on the workshop, I borrowed my brother's car. Seconds before I went out, he caught up with me to hand me the new copies of the car license. I took my Lioness home and on my way back, right at the corner of my block, two police vehicles where stopping cars for some sort of routine check-up. Bless my little sibling!!! I could've gotten into a load of trouble that night.

Yesterday I had the stranges flash as I dozed off a few hours before going to the university. I was watching a photograph seen in Evangelion, of young Kaji, Misato and Ritsuko toghether. And in that brief insight, it felt like I was Kaji, my Lioness was Misato and Blue-Eyed Teddy was Ritsuko. Ok, I know the relations between them all seem to match ours. And some of the personalities. But Blue-Eyed Teddy has absolutely nothing in common with Ritsuko...

AAAAARGH!!!!
I mean, crap... I expected my life to be chaotic for a while without my trustworthy secretary. But not up to this point!!!

I hate electronics......

Could you readers of this humble blog e-mail me your data (phone numbers, e-mail adress, home adress, birthdays, etc...) so that I can rebuild my databank?