Latest news from the Showcase:

It seems my paintings have created a sort of uproar among other ilustrators in the art course. See, the foundation has it's own rotten internal politics. Whenever an illustrator, someone who already dominates a technique, starts the art course, he is brought down, humiliated for a year. He'll be persuaded to spend some time doing abstracts or other things out of his interest. By the end of the second year, the illustrator will begin to be respected. My Virgin and Child is so clearly the type of thing that is heavily criticised in the first year. And there it is, on the Anual Student Showcase. Sophmores will have something to rub in their teachers' faces...
One of the students one year below mine has a liking to painting that matches my own and some very simmilar researches. He has his own composition studies, like my Battle for Importance series. And he has this conspiracy theory that in the first year, teachers slightly humiliate all the technical artists to avoid competition or possible student authority figures that could question their authority. I'm thinking this might not be so far-fetched...

By the way, the only one that didn't made it was the only one I really expected to make it: the Battle for Importance series...
Good. It was the least of my favourites.

At around five o'clock yesterday, my phone rang. It was Methodless. My heart raced. I new that call could mean disaster or bliss. She spoke quickly and said her phone was running out of batteries. Then quickly added before the call was unexpectedly terminated:
-"You made it to the Showcase!!"-

Hence, I'm more than glad to inform you fellow countrymen living in my native city, that on the 25th of the present month, my very own Virgin and Child and my latest portrait, Taís, will be displayed for public viewing at the art foundation!!!

Yee-haw!!!!

I did promise I was going to slow down on the posts, didn`t I?
Crap...

Surreal revelation V:
Someone in the art course was talking about the discomfort in that feeling of being watched.
I don`t know about you, but I find in this vigilance a great comfort. I like to live as if I was being watched. We all live as if we were acting out movie scenes. Most of the times, even though unconsciously, we look for the right pose, the right angle, the right lighting. Some people develop that quirk of talking to themselves. Would they actually be talking to a possible spectator?
As that person was ranting about the discomfort of being watched (I can`t seem to remember what brought up the subject...), I was thinking about how completely terrified I`d be if someday I would come upon the complete awareness that there was no possible way anyone could be watching over me. The idea that, if something was to happen to me, no one would know. It`s probably a horrible feeling when you comprehend that you are the only one left.

I`ve began drawing schematics of the influences that lead to my works with the photographic ghosts and to the actual work with animalistic behaviour (graduation work on the updated "projects section"). There are influences dating back to my childhood, my time abroad... you name it!! I guess, even if I hadn`t made it to the student showcase at the art foundation last year, I would have stumbled on this sooner or later. There are things in the schematics that not even the Lioness knows about me!

And speaking of the showcase, I`ve enrolled Sati`s portrait, my Virgin and Child and four samples of the Battle for Importance series. But my confidence is wavering. I`m beggining to get used to the idea that I won`t make it this year. Too bad... I could really use that scholarship right now...
I`m a little queasy over the fact that I enrolled paintings. Last year was all photography. But with photography, I have the negatives, I can easily do them again. Paintings are harder. I could do them again, but it would take so much effort... What if something happens to them? I`m like a father expecting a daughter to arrive from a saturday gig...

Quick little post:

Yesterday, after just three simple lessons, my Lioness rode that bike all by herself.
You have no idea how happy I am. And what it all meant for us both.
As a reward, she gave me a picture of her as a little girl. It's only the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life! I fell in love with that picture when we rehearsed the ill-fated Huis Clos at her place. And she left it in my car yesterday, with a thank you note written on the back.

One for my fellow countrymen:




Faça você também Que
gênio-louco é você? Uma criação de O Mundo Insano da Abyssinia

My blog recomendation for this week:
What`s wrong with you people?
She`s got a nice view of things. Although sometimes rather too utopian. Or is it that I have lost hope?

Alas, my Lioness` blog has come to an end...
It was a nice run. And quite frankly, I expected to quit blogging before she did. I guess she just didn't like to be so public. A lot of people read her blog. And it bothered her somehow. I can relate: it's hard to write about everything you want to say when you know certain people will read it and get hurt. She's just no that used to having her AT field invaded like that. Although she does like to invade as much as anyone else.
I admit that, without her, my own blog seems to be obsolete. I mean, after a while, I was practically writting for her. Just as, I guess, she was writting for me. Some of my interest in blogging has faded...
But don't worry: I`m still here. And I'll remain here for a while longer. I still have an urge to write.

I'll miss the Lioness` Kingdom. It was always ranked first on my link box. Even before I began ranking blogs. Usually I`d read it even before I accessed my own blog. She just has such a nice way of writting. So true.
I`ll keep the link on my link box for a while. In memorian. .

Slowing down:

Yesterday I had yet another of those really tense moments with my Lioness. And, as always, I went home very depressed. Usually, I go home and collapse on my bed thinking "tomorrow will be another day and hopefully things will change". And in fact, that other day does come. And that depression is left in second place while I worry about everything else in my life. It isn`t forgotten. Just postponed.
This time, though, it was different. While we were jousting with our words, she said something that has stuck with me up 'til now. Something that hurt. Do you believe a person can be hurt "in a good way"?
She told me that, while she had been depressed these last days (clinically depressed), her friends had all come to see her. Even their mothers had called. They had all left their lives and come to tend to her. And I didn't.
I'm tired of trying to defend myself of these accusations. All I'll say to this is that I was scared. Scared of the fact that most of the reasons she was depressed about had to do with me. How could I help? I had thought that, being aroud her would only make things worse.
Anyway, it hurt me in a good way. Because I spent most of today realizing that I'm so completely and utterly alone in the world because I really don't tend to my friends. I'm the solitaire, the loner. Because I spend most of my days thinking about secrets of the universe, meanings of life and the paths that art has taken that I forget about the ones that are supposed to be the reason I live for. And this thought hit me with such brutal force that I stopped for a moment right smack in the middle of lithography class and though to myself "what a sh*tty life I live". In time, it'll just lead me into being another lonely old geezer full of cats and barely clinging to his own sanity (I mean, is there anything more anti-social than having such a thing as the Council to talk to??).
This has haunted me throughout the day. But you know, it`s a good thing. It means it`ll bug me enough to actually change something in my life. And so, I wanted to propose a sort of "slowing down". I won`t be posting so often now. I want to use some of my time to tend to my friends in the real world. In fact, I`ve just placed this in my "current projects" section: I want to dedicate as much energy and time as I dedicate to art to taking care of my friends, of busted relationships, and getting back with people I haven't seen for quite a while.

This will be my last day of heavy posting...

Just a quick thought that excaped the censorship:

There's something deeply wrong beneath this calm.
I think I've broken her and made my blog rather obsolete. All in the same process. Censorship!?
I guess things are supposed to get worse before they get any better...

Changed the names of the links on the link box. This ought to organize things a little better...

By the way, the recently posted painting ranked number one above all my other portraits. Well... I guess I might have a new champion coming up in a few days. Stay tunned!

Ok... I just spent a whole sunday on my atelier finishing stuff for the student showcase at the art course foundation... And I'm still going back there tomorrow to pick up the stuff I left drying.

I left the atelier today with an awkward sensation. Seems to me I've always had these ups and downs of creative energy. At times, I had many ideas and no inspiration to actualy paint any of them. Then again, at times I had an urge to paint and no decent idea to spend a few buck worth of canvas and paint on. And then, all of a sudden, everything would naturally coincide and I'd spend a wonderful week of artistic production. But it came naturally. Every once or twice, the art course would push me into actually creating something while I'm out of this productive high, out of sync between ideas and productive energy. But most of the time, my production would follow some sort of season. This time, due to the coming of the showcase, production had to happen no matter if I was in or out of the productive season.
I'm not entirely sure you understand what I mean.
Heck, I'm not entirely sure what to think about it myself. I mean, it seems terrible that some outer factor should guide my production. But at the same time, I like the way my days in the atelier seem to pay off when I have this sort of motivation: a single day generates two, sometimes three paintings all at once!
Thinking about this, I've decided to take Methodless' strategy seriously. She has been gathering an enormous amout of info on expos, showcases, galleries and museums to enroll her works and those of whomever is interested. Obviously, we all have to help and research more info. And it all goes to some sort of databank she's building up. Sort of like artists helping out artists. I've come up with about ten decent events to send my works to. For now, they're all right here on my native country. Phase two of her strategy includes applying for a schoarship abroad. That's when it really gets interesting. But they say you need a few expos on your resumé to actually get a scholarship. They have to be sure you're a good investment.
But anyways, for now I just thought it might help my production if I had other events to motivate me like the student showcase does.